Joyful
Can I just say I had a wonderful weekend? Let me tell you, I did.
It was unbelievable for many reasons.
I don't even know where to start!
The beginning sounds good...although Imight absolutely have some tangents.
Wednesday evening I pull up to the barn and get out. New friend Sweet-K is walking her horse back from the arenas. I asked her how it went and unfortunately it hadn't gone well. She had taken a tumble a month ago and was still recovering; she had just ended her ride because of the pain.
She told me she was supposed to ride in a hunter pace this Friday and then looked at me and asked if I'd ride her Big Fella for her! She was to take her guy because her friend Cloud-9 had just bought a new horse and was taking it off the property for the first time and Sweet-K had promised to go with her since Big Fella is an old pro. I about died. Ride a seasoned pro in a hunter pace on July 4?!?!?!?! Hm, let me think aboutthatYES!
I kept my squeal of joy to a very calm, demure, casual, "Oh, I would be happy to." No biggie. You know, it's my thing. It's what I do. I'm cool. Only inside I'm dying of delight.
Since she had Big-Fella all tacked up Isprinted like kid after ice cream casually walked to the tackroom and grabbed my helmet and boots.
Here's how many times someone has said, "Oh hey, would you ride my horse for me?" - 0. I have never boarded at a barn where I got to know people well enough to go out riding with them. I'm a faux-introvert. I don't really want to be introverted but I have dealt with enough rejection to not want to get to know people anymore. So my modus operandi was to involve myself only in my teeny tiny circle - consisting of me, my horse, and the occasional trainer and NEVER stepping outside my walls of deep insecurity
Luckily I have grown a lot over the past year - I've worked on numerous old wounds, old mind-sets, old defense mechanisms, insecurities, blah blah yada yada.
I realized over the winter (at the very private, very quiet barn) how important it is to me to have equestrian camaraderie. I tracked down a lady at another barn with the hopes of boarding there and thought she didn't have an opening, she did take the time to talk to me - to really talk to me and allay some of my biggest fears with regards to horse-people.
And so, at the new barn I have taken every step I can to get to know people. And, frankly, this barn is awesome. People are out all the time, they are friendly, and so far, they are drama-free. I volunteered two weekends ago to help out at a jumper/xc schooling day and made it a point to meet and greet people (aside from executing my in-gate duties ;) ).
I realize the picture I'm painting doesn't adequately emphasize how much I longed for riding companionship. "SOMEONE PLEASE BE MY RIDING BUDDY!!" was the cry of my heart for years. I really wanted someone to acknowledge and affirm my riding abilities - but I have learned that no one can but me. Only I can provide what I need- confidence, self-affirmation, and contentment. Only when I realized that did I relax enough and become secure enough to seek out and pursue area riders. Sweet-K was one of those.
Now that I've written a novel, I'll follow up later with the pace details and a (SPOILER) picture of our ribbons!
It was unbelievable for many reasons.
I don't even know where to start!
The beginning sounds good...although I
Wednesday evening I pull up to the barn and get out. New friend Sweet-K is walking her horse back from the arenas. I asked her how it went and unfortunately it hadn't gone well. She had taken a tumble a month ago and was still recovering; she had just ended her ride because of the pain.
She told me she was supposed to ride in a hunter pace this Friday and then looked at me and asked if I'd ride her Big Fella for her! She was to take her guy because her friend Cloud-9 had just bought a new horse and was taking it off the property for the first time and Sweet-K had promised to go with her since Big Fella is an old pro. I about died. Ride a seasoned pro in a hunter pace on July 4?!?!?!?! Hm, let me think aboutthatYES!
I kept my squeal of joy to a very calm, demure, casual, "Oh, I would be happy to." No biggie. You know, it's my thing. It's what I do. I'm cool. Only inside I'm dying of delight.
Since she had Big-Fella all tacked up I
Here's how many times someone has said, "Oh hey, would you ride my horse for me?" - 0. I have never boarded at a barn where I got to know people well enough to go out riding with them. I'm a faux-introvert. I don't really want to be introverted but I have dealt with enough rejection to not want to get to know people anymore. So my modus operandi was to involve myself only in my teeny tiny circle - consisting of me, my horse, and the occasional trainer and NEVER stepping outside my walls of deep insecurity
Luckily I have grown a lot over the past year - I've worked on numerous old wounds, old mind-sets, old defense mechanisms, insecurities, blah blah yada yada.
I realized over the winter (at the very private, very quiet barn) how important it is to me to have equestrian camaraderie. I tracked down a lady at another barn with the hopes of boarding there and thought she didn't have an opening, she did take the time to talk to me - to really talk to me and allay some of my biggest fears with regards to horse-people.
And so, at the new barn I have taken every step I can to get to know people. And, frankly, this barn is awesome. People are out all the time, they are friendly, and so far, they are drama-free. I volunteered two weekends ago to help out at a jumper/xc schooling day and made it a point to meet and greet people (aside from executing my in-gate duties ;) ).
I realize the picture I'm painting doesn't adequately emphasize how much I longed for riding companionship. "SOMEONE PLEASE BE MY RIDING BUDDY!!" was the cry of my heart for years. I really wanted someone to acknowledge and affirm my riding abilities - but I have learned that no one can but me. Only I can provide what I need- confidence, self-affirmation, and contentment. Only when I realized that did I relax enough and become secure enough to seek out and pursue area riders. Sweet-K was one of those.
Now that I've written a novel, I'll follow up later with the pace details and a (SPOILER) picture of our ribbons!
That's something I have struggled with for the past few years, only at the hands of someone I thought was close and might have had my best interest at heart. Turns out it was anything but. The more dependent I was on them, the more they seemed to knock me down. Now that I am free of their grasp- it's been Amazing. Sounds like you've turned the corner too. It's purely awesome isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you got out of that situation and that you can use "Amazing" to describe life now. What a difference! It is so awesome, just.so.great.
DeleteHorse friends are invaluable. So glad you've landed in a good place and are getting to meet people.
ReplyDeleteThanks SB - I have to give you credit as reading about you and redheadlins has encouraged me to get out there!
Delete