the yucks (a whiny, angsty rant)

Dear Winter,

I want to like you so much but you are cold, dark, and depressing. Much like sitting inside a refridgerator with old food. Why old food? Well, old food smells like crap and crap is what my side yard smells like because it's been too cold and icy and snowy to pick up the dog poop. Luckily, just like in a fridge, the cold masks the putrid odor.

And just like that take-home container in the back corner of the second shelf of the fridge, I know the poop is lurking there, needing to be thrown away. It weighs on me. But so long as the door is closed, out of sight, out of mind. Can I get an amen? #shamefuldogowner

I digress.

I tried to use your season to rest and recouperate, to decompress. But unlike the winter of my dreams, with the pastoral snow-covered streets that I gaze upon from my bundled-up, quilt-covered, tea-sipping, dog-snuggling,  sofa corner, in real life my miserable self is nursing tension headaches (because it's too cold to run off the stress), sitting in dog-fur-covered jammies on dog-fur-covered couches with dog-fur-covered blankets - PICKING DOG FUR OUT OF MY TEA! (ok, that didn't actually happen but only because I held the cup up high and sent death-rays out of my eyes at the dogs. (we were dog-sitting a lab/setter/pomeranian mix/fluffiest dog I know)

Oh, and I've been trying to ward off sickness and that's not helping my motivation to vacuum. hence all the dog fur. so much fur everywhere. I swear I'm going to walk out of the house looking like a Yeti one morning.

Oliver, I love you, but forallthatisholy pleeeeeease stop shedding. I literally can't keep up. It's literally the WORST in the world. #ChrisTroeger  I swear we're not dirty people we're just overwhelmed with it all. The weather cold, the sicky cold,

Sorry, digressed again.

That's all for now. the more I write the more pissed I get.

SK

If you are reading this, high-fives and standing ovations to you. Half my brain thinks it's funny and the other half is grumpy so it wants to slap the funny half silly. And I'm sick on top of it.

and end scene. because now I'm just jabbering, whiny, and head-sick.